It's Friday. Sex?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
