Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The uberlube is also flammable
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
