just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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