oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
