He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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