We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk is not a location!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
