dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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