The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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