bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just high enough for therapy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
