no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
