You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
