I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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