Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
