everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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