I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
