I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
