I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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