As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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