I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
