So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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