Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
