Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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