just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
