First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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