so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
