Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
