is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
