I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
