I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
