Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk is a universal language darling
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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