im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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