and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
