Is it normal to miss your booty call?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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