We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
