I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
