PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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