I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
