Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my being single is dangerous.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
