Just cropdusted the office
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
