To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
