you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the day after is always just damage control
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
