You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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