So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
