the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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