why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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