The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
