i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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