The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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