Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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