Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
