it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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