Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
