never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
