Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's paper in my vomit.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
