Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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