I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Brb crying the tears of my youth
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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