He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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