If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
