At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
