I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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