Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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