turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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